[ It occurs to him only now. Not just that he should have warned his brother, but that he should have warned his teacher, who doubtless would be even more affected seeing a man he considers an enemy than Itachi would seeing a man he knows isn't.
Hindsight... ]
And he believed you?
No doubt whether he does or doesn't that's why you anticipate he'll come to me. I'll justify your words, but I won't go into unnecessary detail.
We should expect he'll be defensive with you for some time.
I was not concerned with his belief, nor am I asking you to reinforce my statement.
（ that sounds too much like it would be asking someone to?? think positively?? of him??? hahaha, no. truthfully, he would much rather just put kakashi in the fucking medbay than have the man look at him and understand, but that's not for him to decide. neutrality had been about the best he could manage. ）
I meant that the story is yours to tell or not at your discretion. Given my death, I have no stake in it.
It's like a gut punch he doesn't expect, setting him on edge before he can fully discern why, and he sits with the uncomfortable feelings clamoring to be identified as he reads on. And doing so succeeds in making it clear. ]
It's always been ours.
I made certain decisions after you were gone that I would've wanted to consult you on. Now that you're here, neither of us has that burden anymore.
I said I'd vouch for you, and I meant that. Why you did what you did will be stronger coming from you than me, however.
[ Even he isn't sure if he means to convince him, but even still this mildest of push backs makes him feel ill at ease. Now that they're no longer enemies, he's again the younger brother, and he's never spent any time evolving that role. ]
（ it's a bit sharp — perhaps the only way he can respond to that statement of mutual ownership. our story. his fingers spasm in against his palm. ）
I am not asking you to vouchsafe for me. I have no desire to tell or for him to know the truth — nor would I ever ask you to shoulder the burden of explaining the events that led to the slaughter of our family. It would be an act of cowardice to expect that of you.
My intention was to warn you that he may make inquiries of you, and to tell you that I will accept your decision whatever it may be — that if you wish him to know because that is your wish, I will support it. That you are not bound to secrecy out of loyalty to me.
If your stance is to 'justify my position but not go into detail' then that is acceptable to me. But do not consider me before yourself in your decision.
[ This is the horrible problem with agency, sometimes people will be out here just doing ANY CRAZY THING ]
This time, I don't think I am misunderstanding you.
I plan to do what I believe is the right thing to do. But considering you is part of what I believe is right. It isn't what you want to hear, but it's true. And beyond that, the story I heard came in part from people I don't trust. You know more of it.
What changed? You allowed me to act as I saw fit in relation to the village, but the secret of your involvement getting out would damage its foundation and reputation.
（ so it is perhaps no surprise that that single message is sent, and then it takes some time for a follow up to be sent. truthfully, this is difficult for him to express at all, each word chosen with painstaking deliberation.
at length: ）
I have always cared for Konoha. I will, so long as I draw breath. But a place built on a rotten foundation — and a reputation bought in blood — will continue to sink more deeply into the mire until it is corrupted and unsalvageable. I am not comfortable with the specifics of my experience being shared — I understand that it will evoke sympathies and shame I am not certain I am equipped to deal with. However, those are my personal feelings, and easily set aside for the greater good of the village and its future.
I trust that you will understand the difference between blithely speaking of it on every street corner, to every ramen vendor or child, and telling it to those who could use the knowledge to forewarn and forearm themselves against such such a cycle of violence again being enacted against another clan. I have no objection to the latter, when it comes from you.
However, Kakashi is... unique. I believe he felt some degree of responsibility to me, in ANBU. Both as my captain, and as one who also carried the Sharingan. When Shisui died, he was the only one who attempted to speak openly about the matter with me, without accusation. If I had told him then what Danzō had done... I believe he would have helped me.
（ unspoken: that he was the only one who would have. ）
I also believe that if he is made aware of what occurred, he will fight for a better future in Konoha. He will not flinch from the darkness of it — he will use it to better our home.
But in making the decision to inform him or not, one must realize the guilt he already feels about that incident will become tenfold if told. He has a gentle heart. Knowing would not break him, but it would become one more thing he carries.
[ Upon arrival Sasuke found the pieces of plastic and metal inserted into his body to be intrusive and repugnant. In truth, he still does. But he'd withstand that sense of violation a hundred times over in return for the ease with which they allow thoughts to be communicated from his brother, more appearing before his eyes than he could've ever anticipated. It feels like blood-letting, and for him to be allowed to bear witness to it also feels like acknowledgement. ]
Shisui?
[ The name is thought immediately, and the voice he hears in his head is that of a child. Of a scared seven-year-old hearing of his relative's passing and seeing through the cracks that that death had eaten into his brother's very fiber. How much was he suffering? How much did Sasuke not see, kept awake by his anxieties over shapeless shadows he didn't realize hid far, far greater monsters his brother tried to keep at bay? He thought he knew now, that he was finally aware of the truth, but even now he realizes how deep his ignorance really is. ]
You don't need me to reassure you that our family's history isn't something I'd give out without reason.
What you do need me to tell you is that his guilt either way is not a factor in any decision I make, and it shouldn't be in yours. You were fighting a battle I didn't see, and I will never fully understand what you experienced. In the same way, you won't understand what I experienced, and how much I would've shouldered for a chance to know the truth.
If he were uninvolved it would be simpler. But he isn't, and this rift will only grow. You trust his character... and so do I. Hearing what you have to say only reinforces that.
There's still so much I don't know about what you experienced.
[ They were both trained from a young age to be hard on themselves and that self-flagellation was only further mandated by their guilty consciences. At least it's something they can uniquely understand in one another.
And in its own way, Itachi's response overwhelms him to the point where he needs that simple masochistic comfort. The simultaneous mixture of pressure and relief he feels is enormous, feeling suddenly like he's standing before a door he's never had a chance to open.
Somehow, one question stands apart from the others first. ]
（ 'in what respect?' is considered as a response. set aside. it would only be deliberately obtuse, would goad sasuke to revealing more of himself out of that old instinct to press on fracture points until bruises blossom beneath his hands.
he exhales.
then: ）
Adequate, for the time being.
What of yourself? I have asked much of you, not only lately.
[ "Adequate" serves as exactly that. An "adequate" answer. From Itachi it speaks volumes, of course, less because of the quality of what he has to say and more in the fact that he's willing to give him anything at all. The discomfort inherent in providing anything subjective has him nigh immediately vollying the spotlight back onto Sasuke but he allows it.
There's still that part of him, paranoid and many-times-bitten, that believes applying too much pressure will convince Itachi to recede. ]
Physically, my body's performance and my adjustment to my arm has been sufficient. [ The pain associated with his ocular doujutsu's interference with the implant still crops up here and there, but it's negligible. Hardly worth discussing, now. ]
Mentally it's a more complicated adjustment. What I was experiencing before coming here... it was also important. The interruption is difficult. As is seeing you.
[ Is there a benefit to being anything less than honest? ]
You will need to learn one-handed signs. I am willing to teach you.
（ all that time he never spent. would sasuke have gotten stronger sooner, if he'd only taken the time? more fool him — perhaps he might have spared himself the long, protracted life that ended only at twenty-one.
yet that is a dark thought, biting into a new foundation. his eyes close, briefly, and then: ）
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Hindsight... ]
And he believed you?
No doubt whether he does or doesn't that's why you anticipate he'll come to me. I'll justify your words, but I won't go into unnecessary detail.
We should expect he'll be defensive with you for some time.
no subject
（ that sounds too much like it would be asking someone to?? think positively?? of him??? hahaha, no. truthfully, he would much rather just put kakashi in the fucking medbay than have the man look at him and understand, but that's not for him to decide. neutrality had been about the best he could manage. ）
I meant that the story is yours to tell or not at your discretion. Given my death, I have no stake in it.
I will not be upset no matter what you divulge.
no subject
It's like a gut punch he doesn't expect, setting him on edge before he can fully discern why, and he sits with the uncomfortable feelings clamoring to be identified as he reads on. And doing so succeeds in making it clear. ]
It's always been ours.
I made certain decisions after you were gone that I would've wanted to consult you on. Now that you're here, neither of us has that burden anymore.
I said I'd vouch for you, and I meant that. Why you did what you did will be stronger coming from you than me, however.
[ Even he isn't sure if he means to convince him, but even still this mildest of push backs makes him feel ill at ease. Now that they're no longer enemies, he's again the younger brother, and he's never spent any time evolving that role. ]
no subject
（ it's a bit sharp — perhaps the only way he can respond to that statement of mutual ownership. our story. his fingers spasm in against his palm. ）
I am not asking you to vouchsafe for me. I have no desire to tell or for him to know the truth — nor would I ever ask you to shoulder the burden of explaining the events that led to the slaughter of our family. It would be an act of cowardice to expect that of you.
My intention was to warn you that he may make inquiries of you, and to tell you that I will accept your decision whatever it may be — that if you wish him to know because that is your wish, I will support it. That you are not bound to secrecy out of loyalty to me.
If your stance is to 'justify my position but not go into detail' then that is acceptable to me. But do not consider me before yourself in your decision.
（ you try to give someone agency oNE TIME. ）
1/2
This time, I don't think I am misunderstanding you.
I plan to do what I believe is the right thing to do. But considering you is part of what I believe is right. It isn't what you want to hear, but it's true. And beyond that, the story I heard came in part from people I don't trust. You know more of it.
I'll think on it more.
2/2
no subject
（ it is an admission of vulnerability, of... imperfection that sasuke does not often see in him. but nevertheless, he says it. ）
no subject
What changed? You allowed me to act as I saw fit in relation to the village, but the secret of your involvement getting out would damage its foundation and reputation.
no subject
（ so it is perhaps no surprise that that single message is sent, and then it takes some time for a follow up to be sent. truthfully, this is difficult for him to express at all, each word chosen with painstaking deliberation.
at length: ）
I have always cared for Konoha. I will, so long as I draw breath. But a place built on a rotten foundation — and a reputation bought in blood — will continue to sink more deeply into the mire until it is corrupted and unsalvageable. I am not comfortable with the specifics of my experience being shared — I understand that it will evoke sympathies and shame I am not certain I am equipped to deal with. However, those are my personal feelings, and easily set aside for the greater good of the village and its future.
I trust that you will understand the difference between blithely speaking of it on every street corner, to every ramen vendor or child, and telling it to those who could use the knowledge to forewarn and forearm themselves against such such a cycle of violence again being enacted against another clan. I have no objection to the latter, when it comes from you.
However, Kakashi is... unique. I believe he felt some degree of responsibility to me, in ANBU. Both as my captain, and as one who also carried the Sharingan. When Shisui died, he was the only one who attempted to speak openly about the matter with me, without accusation. If I had told him then what Danzō had done... I believe he would have helped me.
（ unspoken: that he was the only one who would have. ）
I also believe that if he is made aware of what occurred, he will fight for a better future in Konoha. He will not flinch from the darkness of it — he will use it to better our home.
But in making the decision to inform him or not, one must realize the guilt he already feels about that incident will become tenfold if told. He has a gentle heart. Knowing would not break him, but it would become one more thing he carries.
no subject
Shisui?
[ The name is thought immediately, and the voice he hears in his head is that of a child. Of a scared seven-year-old hearing of his relative's passing and seeing through the cracks that that death had eaten into his brother's very fiber. How much was he suffering? How much did Sasuke not see, kept awake by his anxieties over shapeless shadows he didn't realize hid far, far greater monsters his brother tried to keep at bay? He thought he knew now, that he was finally aware of the truth, but even now he realizes how deep his ignorance really is. ]
You don't need me to reassure you that our family's history isn't something I'd give out without reason.
What you do need me to tell you is that his guilt either way is not a factor in any decision I make, and it shouldn't be in yours. You were fighting a battle I didn't see, and I will never fully understand what you experienced. In the same way, you won't understand what I experienced, and how much I would've shouldered for a chance to know the truth.
If he were uninvolved it would be simpler. But he isn't, and this rift will only grow. You trust his character... and so do I. Hearing what you have to say only reinforces that.
There's still so much I don't know about what you experienced.
no subject
the rest he takes in, and finally — ）
You've grown more than I expected.
I will tell you what you wish to know. You need only ask.
no subject
[ They were both trained from a young age to be hard on themselves and that self-flagellation was only further mandated by their guilty consciences. At least it's something they can uniquely understand in one another.
And in its own way, Itachi's response overwhelms him to the point where he needs that simple masochistic comfort. The simultaneous mixture of pressure and relief he feels is enormous, feeling suddenly like he's standing before a door he's never had a chance to open.
Somehow, one question stands apart from the others first. ]
How do you feel?
1/2
no subject
he exhales.
then: ）
Adequate, for the time being.
What of yourself? I have asked much of you, not only lately.
（ bitch u thought. ）
no subject
There's still that part of him, paranoid and many-times-bitten, that believes applying too much pressure will convince Itachi to recede. ]
Physically, my body's performance and my adjustment to my arm has been sufficient. [ The pain associated with his ocular doujutsu's interference with the implant still crops up here and there, but it's negligible. Hardly worth discussing, now. ]
Mentally it's a more complicated adjustment. What I was experiencing before coming here... it was also important. The interruption is difficult. As is seeing you.
[ Is there a benefit to being anything less than honest? ]
no subject
（ all that time he never spent. would sasuke have gotten stronger sooner, if he'd only taken the time? more fool him — perhaps he might have spared himself the long, protracted life that ended only at twenty-one.
yet that is a dark thought, biting into a new foundation. his eyes close, briefly, and then: ）
Will you tell me that experience if I ask?