[ Explicit thanks isn’t actually what Stiles wants to hear. Nevertheless, Sasuke manages to scratch the itch with his response. He takes a few minutes to let relief wash away the bitter tang of his childish insecurities before replying. ]
I’m not sure I should be taking notes on how to behave from you. Full offense meant.
That means if I'm able to see something that you're doing wrong, you should really begin to question yourself.
[ He looks down at the shirt again after the message has been sent, feeling warm for the first time in over a month. Saying nothing about it had been much easier, but Stiles noticed anyway. Typical... ]
[ There's a longer pause, Stiles frantically scrambling for an excuse to drag out the conversation. They don't tend to talk casually, after all. But he's still frazzled and only draws a blank. ]
[ He feels nothing. That is, until the one-two punch of the pause and then the question. It leaves things so open-ended that he has to wonder why Stiles is asking, forced to realize that yes, there is something. ]
Have you spoken many times with Itachi since he arrived?
[ If you wanted a casual chat you should've prompted it, buddy. ]
[ Ah. So, is this what it’s like to have your life flash before your eyes? ]
Not as much as I’d like.
[ So much for a casual chitchat between friends. Guess he’ll be getting the “Restraining Order” talk for the second time in his relatively young existence. ]
[ That's the type of talk it should be. It's more in line with Sasuke's personality and his priorities, after all... but what this is on his part is a moment of weakness. Curiosity, even, about a reticent man. ]
Sorry to say, but I’m not Itachi Expression Literate. I’ll probably need to take on some extra coursework before I even get out of “Intro 101: The Difference Between :| and :|” FTR.
But judging by the fact that he knocked me unconscious and then STUFFED ME INTO A CLOSET LIKE DIRTY LAUNDRY NO ONE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE, yeah, he was probably displeased at some point.
[ Stiles is trying to skirt around answering the first question. He’s not sure how much Sasuke will appreciate those topics. ]
I don't remember "ftr", please advise. A lot of this is unclear to me.
[ But he is doing his level best, as always. But hold on, because Itachi is many things but he's not overly impatient. He wouldn't shove Stiles into a closet without significant prompting, and seeing as how Sasuke is completely unfamiliar with the concept of victim-blaming he has some concerns. ]
What the hell happened? Neither of you told me about this. When did it occur and what preceded it?
[ "It's fine". This from a man that had laid out strict parameters for Sasuke surrounding his comfort level. This from someone whose memories Sasuke has now witnessed, giving weight and life and reason to those restrictions which are almost certainly violated by Itachi rendering him unconscious and hauling his body somewhere less conspicuous. ]
[ What can he say? “You.” This isn’t something he’s ready to explicitly spell out for Sasuke. ]
We’ve chatted since then so don’t worry about it.
[ “Chatted” is not even remotely an accurate word for those stilted, one-sided conversations, but he’s determined now to steer them clear of dangerous territory. ]
If that’s all, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.
[ Preferably not about this. There’s him learned. ]
[ The words almost surprise him once they're typed out and sent, an immediate gut reaction that no doubt would've been even more pronounced in person. Once it's said, however, it gives him a little more strength to continue on. ]
Don't say something like that and then leave me to wonder. I deserve the truth about this and all I'll be able to do is assume the worst when you shut me out.
[ Already exhausted by a conversation that has yet to happen, Stiles settles in to reluctantly meet his friend’s fair and reasonable demand. ]
I contacted him to ask if he’d help me with something. He agreed. We met up. After, I invited myself along to wherever the hell he was headed to get to know him. We talked about shinobi culture. Argued. He suggested I leave because he refused to talk about it more. I figured it’d be fine if I changed the subject. We went to Undermael College, which I’m now 90% sure he did just to try and shake me. I think the last two things I asked were how old he is and if there’s a shinobi drinking age.
[ What he receives is a no-nonsense reply full of vagueries and very specifically chosen details.
Sasuke would've almost thought he'd written the reply himself for how much it sounds like his own style, which is enough to furrow his brow well before he starts thinking about composing a reply. ]
If that were the whole story then you wouldn't have fought so ardently to keep from needing to tell it. Do you think the two of you being at odds puts me in a bad position?
[ The response is slow coming. He has to work through the sharp hurt that Sasuke’s skepticism elicits. Even when Stiles actively tries to be honest, people don’t believe him. But instead of sitting on these bitter feelings like he normally would, he gets defensive. ]
Sorry, I forgot the part where I held him at knifepoint until he tearfully acquiesced to knocking me out and shoving me in a closet. My bad.
Here’s what I’m leaving out. I wanted help pronouncing your name so I could actually say it right. After, we talked about the cultural differences in expectations on kids in your world and mine. I told him it was your parents’ responsibility to protect you two from becoming child soldiers and they failed. It pissed him off. We went to Undermael. He told me he wanted to research magic. I told him I wanted to get to know him. Closet.
So you tell me. How much difference do the details make? Would you believe me if I said I didn’t tell you “the whole story” the first time because I didn’t want you asking WHY I needed his help? Because the conversation had to do with YOU? Because I didn’t want to whine about being powerless to do anything yet again? Because he’s your brother?
[ Disgusted with himself, he goes to take a sulky shower and wash off the anger. The last thing he needs to do is start internalizing this as another case of a friend not listening. ]
[ Whatever he'd expected? It's not this. Words drag down the page in an angry block far larger than any that have come through yet, an anger that doesn't at all match the previous tone of the conversation and one that has him wanting to shirk that warm shirt he's wearing whether out of guilt or his own mounting frustration.
He doesn't. ]
I'm concerned for him.
Before you start getting angrier with me for wanting the full story after hearing that he lashed out against you you should think on that, and on the fact that I would believe you if you told me those things because they're actual answers. Why would you be so desperate to keep them from me?
[ To the point that he'd dance around a topic Sasuke so strongly felt a need to understand? He acts like learning to speak his name – a compliment, something marked by a desire to do something special for a friend and address something he knows is meaningful to Stiles – is more shameful than critiquing their parents. ]
You were wrong to push him that far, why the hell wouldn't he get angry? He overreacted and he'll hear so from me, but why would you bring our family into it when you have the knowledge I've entrusted to you?
[ When Stiles returns to his room, towel slung around his waist and still dripping wet, he makes a beeline for the comm watch. As expected, there’s a message waiting for him. He reads it twice carefully. Then, putting the device back down, he mechanically goes through the process of drying off and getting dressed. The serrated edge of his emotions has been dulled by the time he sits down to respond, though he still continues to feel no sense of shame or guilt about critiquing the Uchiha parents; Sasuke’s internal observation is, unfortunately, dead on. ]
Sasuke, I don’t know what the hell to think anymore. After what you told me about your brother, I assumed he must be a murdering piece of shit scumbag. Then we meet in the dream and you say that he’s a good man I can trust. Okay, fine. I adjust my expectations. Maybe he isn’t a murdering piece of shit scumbag. Maybe your parents were. Maybe it was justified. I mean, people don’t usually kill their parents if they have a healthy relationship with them. So, did I expect him to get pissed off that I dared to call their parenting into question? No.
[ But he can’t claim innocence. Not with Sasuke. ]
It wouldn’t have stopped me either way, [ he admits. ] Look, I’m not trying to start shit with you, but I saw his memories of your dad. They were messed up. And only reinforced the point I made to Itachi that day.
Why are you concerned about him? Is this just because of what I told you happened, or something else?
[ Silence stretches out before him as he awaits a response, eyes fixed futilely on that watch with anticipation of a message that doesn't come. Finally he's getting up, communicator tossed aside onto that perfectly made bed in his perfectly organized room, no decorations or personal affects or anything to truly indicate who the room belongs to other than an open notebook on the desk.
Written on its top page is a series of names, the first one painstakingly practiced again and again: Mieczysław Stilinski. It's the most challenging for him to write, and how fitting that should be.
When a response does finally come he's hung up his new gifts, back in a plainer shirt that offers him no similar warmth but is at least a comfortable known. It's tempting to ignore the chime that prompts him to read and respond, but even he knows that won't be a longterm strategy he can stick to. So he checks it, reads it twice, and begins the painstaking process of carefully selecting words he doesn't want to need to pick. ]
His life is complicated, just as complicated as my relationship with him. You don't need to know what to think.
He is a murderer. He is a good man. I'm not blind to how that keeps things from being black and white. What you need to understand is that it's in no way your place to play guessing games over whether or not my parents deserved to be killed. It's certainly not your place to force him to defend them or pass judgments on them either, even if you did understand exactly what we went through.
Don't speak to me about my father that way. Not to use as a prop to justify your theories.
[ There’s nothing else to be said. Sasuke is a wall, unmovable and uncompromising. Stiles knows better than to dash himself against such a barricade. That text has already driven home too many salient points, each one more cutting than the last – he’s not self-destructive enough to willingly invite another wave of them. You don’t need to know what to think. Message received, loud and clear.
Stiles reflects on what he saw in Itachi’s mirror, of the disturbingly lopsided dynamic between father and sons. His stomach twists with pity for Sasuke.
[ There it is, the familiar burn of anger that he hates so much. He stares down at those two words that he'd accept readily from ninety-nine percent of the people he's met. Not, however, from a friend he's just been this open with and expressed concerns to. ]
Oh, I have plenty I could say. I’m not sitting here with a thumb up my ass thinking I’m a great detective, okay? They weren’t “guessing games” to me. I’ve been trying to make sense of what you told me compared to your relationship with Itachi.
[ Why? Because he cares about Sasuke. ]
But I get it. It’s not any of my business. I don’t know what else you want from me. I already told you I’m not trying to start shit with you.
How often have I refused to speak to you or give you an answer? Your desire to ask questions about my life or his life has never been the problem. It's the fact that you push on a topic you should realize is difficult, while disregarding any memories you might bring up or reactions you might elicit. You said it yourself: it wouldn't have stopped you either way.
It should. I wouldn't treat your family or Jonas's family in that way.
I realize the topics are difficult. I get they might bring up unpleasant memories or elicit bad reactions. You give me way too much credit. I know exactly what I’m doing. I figured Itachi would have been more detached from the subject than he was, but it didn’t change anything for me.
I won’t stay quiet just to avoid upsetting someone.
[ Except where opening his mouth might cost him a friend; an overwhelming fear of losing his loved ones kicks in like a survival instinct. ]
I probably go about it the wrong way. I’m sorry. But everything I’ve heard, the shit that I saw – it’s not okay. I don’t care if you think it’s not my place to point that out. Someone should, because you two act like it WAS okay or normal.
[ His scoff doesn't translate to text but it gives it a damn good effort. ]
I've told you myself what I think about my world and how I want to avoid creating other children like me. I was ready to burn the entirety of it to the ground, but your impression is that things are "okay" in my eyes? I've had to accept what happened to me and swallow it because my understanding of how wrong it was consumed me. Don't mistake the fact that I can discuss my life or my family's deaths calmly as a sign that I find it normal. I'm reacting how I need to react.
Tell me what benefit there is in not staying quiet. What did you want to achieve?
[ Unsurprisingly, this is dragging out into the argument he wanted to avoid. Stiles drafts several responses, deleting them all with increasing agitation. Conflicting interests clash: to pursue the point he still feels strongly on versus yielding in the hopes of not pissing Sasuke off. ]
This isn’t about the general culture of your world or what happened to your family. I’m talking about your parents as both people and guardians over you two.
[ Fugaku, specifically.
But he knows better than to answer that question – not without first getting an idea of how Sasuke will respond to the subject of his parents a second time. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I’m not sure I should be taking notes on how to behave from you. Full offense meant.
Anyway.
Good.
[ Yeah, that’s all he’s got right now. ]
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That means if I'm able to see something that you're doing wrong, you should really begin to question yourself.
[ He looks down at the shirt again after the message has been sent, feeling warm for the first time in over a month. Saying nothing about it had been much easier, but Stiles noticed anyway. Typical... ]
Did you want to discuss anything else?
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[ That agreement should not be so fond. ]
I'll take your suggestion under advisement.
[ There's a longer pause, Stiles frantically scrambling for an excuse to drag out the conversation. They don't tend to talk casually, after all. But he's still frazzled and only draws a blank. ]
Nah, I'm good. Did you?
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Have you spoken many times with Itachi since he arrived?
[ If you wanted a casual chat you should've prompted it, buddy. ]
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Not as much as I’d like.
[ So much for a casual chitchat between friends. Guess he’ll be getting the “Restraining Order” talk for the second time in his relatively young existence. ]
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What have you discussed?
Does he seem displeased to you?
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But judging by the fact that he knocked me unconscious and then STUFFED ME INTO A CLOSET LIKE DIRTY LAUNDRY NO ONE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE, yeah, he was probably displeased at some point.
[ Stiles is trying to skirt around answering the first question. He’s not sure how much Sasuke will appreciate those topics. ]
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[ But he is doing his level best, as always. But hold on, because Itachi is many things but he's not overly impatient. He wouldn't shove Stiles into a closet without significant prompting, and seeing as how Sasuke is completely unfamiliar with the concept of victim-blaming he has some concerns. ]
What the hell happened? Neither of you told me about this. When did it occur and what preceded it?
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You didn’t need to get involved. I just wanted to bitch. It’s fine.
[ It’s not, and the only reason he tolerated it is because this is Sasuke’s brother. ]
Happened a few weeks ago. Like a day or two after he arrived.
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Stiles. Why?
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We’ve chatted since then so don’t worry about it.
[ “Chatted” is not even remotely an accurate word for those stilted, one-sided conversations, but he’s determined now to steer them clear of dangerous territory. ]
If that’s all, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.
[ Preferably not about this. There’s him learned. ]
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[ The words almost surprise him once they're typed out and sent, an immediate gut reaction that no doubt would've been even more pronounced in person. Once it's said, however, it gives him a little more strength to continue on. ]
Don't say something like that and then leave me to wonder. I deserve the truth about this and all I'll be able to do is assume the worst when you shut me out.
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[ Already exhausted by a conversation that has yet to happen, Stiles settles in to reluctantly meet his friend’s fair and reasonable demand. ]
I contacted him to ask if he’d help me with something. He agreed. We met up. After, I invited myself along to wherever the hell he was headed to get to know him. We talked about shinobi culture. Argued. He suggested I leave because he refused to talk about it more. I figured it’d be fine if I changed the subject. We went to Undermael College, which I’m now 90% sure he did just to try and shake me. I think the last two things I asked were how old he is and if there’s a shinobi drinking age.
There. That’s the story.
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Sasuke would've almost thought he'd written the reply himself for how much it sounds like his own style, which is enough to furrow his brow well before he starts thinking about composing a reply. ]
If that were the whole story then you wouldn't have fought so ardently to keep from needing to tell it. Do you think the two of you being at odds puts me in a bad position?
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Sorry, I forgot the part where I held him at knifepoint until he tearfully acquiesced to knocking me out and shoving me in a closet. My bad.
Here’s what I’m leaving out. I wanted help pronouncing your name so I could actually say it right. After, we talked about the cultural differences in expectations on kids in your world and mine. I told him it was your parents’ responsibility to protect you two from becoming child soldiers and they failed. It pissed him off. We went to Undermael. He told me he wanted to research magic. I told him I wanted to get to know him. Closet.
So you tell me. How much difference do the details make? Would you believe me if I said I didn’t tell you “the whole story” the first time because I didn’t want you asking WHY I needed his help? Because the conversation had to do with YOU? Because I didn’t want to whine about being powerless to do anything yet again? Because he’s your brother?
[ Disgusted with himself, he goes to take a sulky shower and wash off the anger. The last thing he needs to do is start internalizing this as another case of a friend not listening. ]
stop showering and face me like a man
He doesn't. ]
I'm concerned for him.
Before you start getting angrier with me for wanting the full story after hearing that he lashed out against you you should think on that, and on the fact that I would believe you if you told me those things because they're actual answers. Why would you be so desperate to keep them from me?
[ To the point that he'd dance around a topic Sasuke so strongly felt a need to understand? He acts like learning to speak his name – a compliment, something marked by a desire to do something special for a friend and address something he knows is meaningful to Stiles – is more shameful than critiquing their parents. ]
You were wrong to push him that far, why the hell wouldn't he get angry? He overreacted and he'll hear so from me, but why would you bring our family into it when you have the knowledge I've entrusted to you?
https://giphy.com/gifs/hulu-arrested-development-fox-television-classics-26ufcVAp3AiJJsrIs
Sasuke, I don’t know what the hell to think anymore. After what you told me about your brother, I assumed he must be a murdering piece of shit scumbag. Then we meet in the dream and you say that he’s a good man I can trust. Okay, fine. I adjust my expectations. Maybe he isn’t a murdering piece of shit scumbag. Maybe your parents were. Maybe it was justified. I mean, people don’t usually kill their parents if they have a healthy relationship with them. So, did I expect him to get pissed off that I dared to call their parenting into question? No.
[ But he can’t claim innocence. Not with Sasuke. ]
It wouldn’t have stopped me either way, [ he admits. ] Look, I’m not trying to start shit with you, but I saw his memories of your dad. They were messed up. And only reinforced the point I made to Itachi that day.
Why are you concerned about him? Is this just because of what I told you happened, or something else?
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Written on its top page is a series of names, the first one painstakingly practiced again and again: Mieczysław Stilinski. It's the most challenging for him to write, and how fitting that should be.
When a response does finally come he's hung up his new gifts, back in a plainer shirt that offers him no similar warmth but is at least a comfortable known. It's tempting to ignore the chime that prompts him to read and respond, but even he knows that won't be a longterm strategy he can stick to. So he checks it, reads it twice, and begins the painstaking process of carefully selecting words he doesn't want to need to pick. ]
His life is complicated, just as complicated as my relationship with him. You don't need to know what to think.
He is a murderer. He is a good man. I'm not blind to how that keeps things from being black and white. What you need to understand is that it's in no way your place to play guessing games over whether or not my parents deserved to be killed. It's certainly not your place to force him to defend them or pass judgments on them either, even if you did understand exactly what we went through.
Don't speak to me about my father that way. Not to use as a prop to justify your theories.
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[ There’s nothing else to be said. Sasuke is a wall, unmovable and uncompromising. Stiles knows better than to dash himself against such a barricade. That text has already driven home too many salient points, each one more cutting than the last – he’s not self-destructive enough to willingly invite another wave of them. You don’t need to know what to think. Message received, loud and clear.
Stiles reflects on what he saw in Itachi’s mirror, of the disturbingly lopsided dynamic between father and sons. His stomach twists with pity for Sasuke.
Silently, the subject is shelved for good. ]
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You have nothing else to say?
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[ Why? Because he cares about Sasuke. ]
But I get it. It’s not any of my business. I don’t know what else you want from me. I already told you I’m not trying to start shit with you.
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How often have I refused to speak to you or give you an answer? Your desire to ask questions about my life or his life has never been the problem. It's the fact that you push on a topic you should realize is difficult, while disregarding any memories you might bring up or reactions you might elicit. You said it yourself: it wouldn't have stopped you either way.
It should. I wouldn't treat your family or Jonas's family in that way.
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I realize the topics are difficult. I get they might bring up unpleasant memories or elicit bad reactions. You give me way too much credit. I know exactly what I’m doing. I figured Itachi would have been more detached from the subject than he was, but it didn’t change anything for me.
I won’t stay quiet just to avoid upsetting someone.
[ Except where opening his mouth might cost him a friend; an overwhelming fear of losing his loved ones kicks in like a survival instinct. ]
I probably go about it the wrong way. I’m sorry. But everything I’ve heard, the shit that I saw – it’s not okay. I don’t care if you think it’s not my place to point that out. Someone should, because you two act like it WAS okay or normal.
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[ His scoff doesn't translate to text but it gives it a damn good effort. ]
I've told you myself what I think about my world and how I want to avoid creating other children like me. I was ready to burn the entirety of it to the ground, but your impression is that things are "okay" in my eyes? I've had to accept what happened to me and swallow it because my understanding of how wrong it was consumed me. Don't mistake the fact that I can discuss my life or my family's deaths calmly as a sign that I find it normal. I'm reacting how I need to react.
Tell me what benefit there is in not staying quiet. What did you want to achieve?
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This isn’t about the general culture of your world or what happened to your family. I’m talking about your parents as both people and guardians over you two.
[ Fugaku, specifically.
But he knows better than to answer that question – not without first getting an idea of how Sasuke will respond to the subject of his parents a second time. ]
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